she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
