I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
