this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
