I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
