Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
