nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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