Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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