am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
