smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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