goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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