I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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