guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
