we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
