U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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