Betty ford says i'm here all night
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
