I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
