How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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