I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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