The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
We were destined to go to rehab together
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
