Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
