what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Randomize
