i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
