Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
