My nipple is on Facebook.
I bet he comes in French.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
