Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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