I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
