Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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