I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
