Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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