She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
