mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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