Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
