so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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