His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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