I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Let's get the cat blown out
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
