You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
