Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
