evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
