it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
