I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Randomize
