whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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