there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'm really busy with my period
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