That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
