i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
