party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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