That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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