Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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