She's JV to your varsity
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
