ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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