We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
